Chemo-23 - A saga of low blood counts!

Last Monday, when the usual day's blood test reports came out, I was shocked to see the WBC count! It was 0.8! This was the lowest ever number recorded in my entire history of the disease. I was eager to meet my doctor and want to hear from her on the reasons and her thoughts. And, when I finally met her, I could only see a modest surprise in her face and got no particular reason from her for the sudden and steep drop in the blood count! (See the attached chart for a perspective!)

She had no other option than to get me admitted into the hospital and to take me through the anti-biotic regimen along with a blood improvement medication through Neupogen shots for at least two days, before the regular chemo is administered.

It was thus another ordeal - physical and mental - for me to go through the entire corrective mechanism for the blood improvement and then yesterday (Tuesday), when the blood count improved to 1.47, the regular chemo drug suffused through my body, I got relieved!

***

The low blood counts in the body usually induces in me lots of weird feelings - dizziness, weakness, loss of appetite, feverishness, body aches, etc. - which restrict my mobility and thus make me feel really sick! :( I always tell myself whenever this happens: "There cannot be a low further lower than this! So, wake up!" And, I try to visualize the beauty in this world - all the beautiful things, feelings, thoughts - that really make me smile and help me ignore the powerful fact that I carry one of the most deadliest diseases in this world! After all, I will have a life, and I want to live that fully. With bloody vengeance!

***

The two-day pre-monsoon showers in Bangalore were pretty wonderful to feel. A visual treat. I watched out through the window with the tiny drops of water lazily falling off on the surface as though they were reluctant to leave the source. The moist pane on the other side beckons me to scribble on it something. Some doodling. The pigeons settled on the window's seat-board to protect themselves from the drizzle, occasionally poking the glass with their beaks as though they wanted to connect with me! I watched the drizzle, doodled and visualized the images for the beautiful melody on my radio. Flowers in the distance were dancing to the tune of the rains! Trees did not stop waving too! Where flowers bloom so does hope! What a dazzling beauty Mother Nature manifests herself through.

As I ventured to the wood,
I stopped to draw on dewy air; let
Droplets shimmer in my hair, that
Rested on my tranquil head – as
If a sense of cosy bed.

As I ventured to the wood,
A gesturing cuckoo perched above,
And then in song with cooing dove,
‘You're welcome’, bade he, ’enter please –
To roam our land with gentle breeze.’

As I ventured to the wood,
A dazzling flower waved her face
In blazing show of dance and chase, and
Reddened bright in shade of dawn, she
Flirted like a prancing fawn.

As I ventured to the wood,
A butterfly had graced my arm,
And knowing I bid him no harm, he
Splayed for me hypnotic wing in
Colors for to urge me sing!

As I ventured to the wood,
The radiant sun shone down on me.
He flushed and beamed: ‘I say to thee,
You bless your land; be filled with pride, and
Cherish e’er yon countryside! ’

[Adapted from: Succumbed to Thinking by Mark Raymond Slaughter]