From Green Shoots to Yellow Weeds.

To experience the absolute, one needs to remove the veils that stick to the Absolute. One cannot know the Light until one knows the Darkness. Only once one dispels the darkness, one can see the Light.

I was in my chair in my balcony watching the wonderful winter sunset and the birds returning home chirping with unknown happiness. There was suddenly a vivid cloud showing myself in another world - the world which was wonderful for me until a year ago. I was sauntering in the streets bedecked with green shoots of grass and decorated with beautiful flowers. I walked past smoothly to reach my Lawn Tennis court. After a game with the yellow balls on the green court, I took a simple breather and looked down the road adjacent to the court. Kids were getting into their school bus while parents were waving their hands as a gesture of seeing them off to the school. I could see a few kids exchanging blows inside the bus!

I took a detour with my bike towards the old building full of magazines and used books. Attracted by the strange smell of the dog-eared books and fresh magazines, I stopped to pick up a few that gave me an unusual sensual feeling! Coming home, having breakfast and reaching office, I could see myself touching the cold and dry surfaces of my office cube which are mostly rectangular in shape. My mind slowly got into the work mode thinking on lots of things related to the test module. Connecting several thoughts, distilling the patterns, sharing them with the colleagues, presenting the ideas to the boss, getting into the conferences, understanding the larger perspectives, drilling into the other technologies, my two legs were in hundred boats! All the while, my mind was living in the present and calming down as and when possible.

Post-work, I could see myself calling my parents and sisters as a daily routine getting the news from them and letting them know that I was wonderful. When the Sun really set, I had my sip of my tea with a book in my hand and post-dinner, I could see my day ending with an inexplicable feeling of joy and satisfaction.

Suddenly, the cloud burst into tiny wrappers of smoke. The world has changed since then. It looked as though my tennis, my thoughts, my probing mind, my little joys, all dissolved into that enigma of black hole of time! And I suddenly could see yellow weeds with green shoots withering. Where were those hands which were once soothing touching me? Where was that tiny butterfly which was once flapping its colorful wings across my face with an abundant joy? Where were those pink and purple flowers which were once harbingers of my happy moods?

(The picture in the top was taken in my apartment in late 2007 when I was living my world to its fullest with books, movies, games, work, family and fun. The world turned upside down for a moment and I found myself diagnosed with the disease of Cancer. The picture on the right taken in early October 2009 at Bangalore Institute of Oncology, where I am getting treated for my disease.)